if only i could text you this smell
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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