She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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