i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize