Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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