It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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