i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
