so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
