And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
