I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sober January is a disaster.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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