He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
