Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
