make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
