My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
