Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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