aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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