If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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