At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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