and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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