New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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