This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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