I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Will you blow on my dice?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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