I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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