i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
