I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
