Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
