fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
