My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
