oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize