so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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