i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
There's even glitter on my cock...
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