i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
