I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
