I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
