Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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