Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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