Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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