I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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