Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
