Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
