nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
