Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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