wat bout pragnant strippers??
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
i think my cat just said my name.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
