dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
