Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
