I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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