Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Can you bring me the toilet please
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
