My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
