He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
