I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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