I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Randomize
