I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
What drink are we having for lunch?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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