Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
