Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
