Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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