I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize