So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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