had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
