I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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