There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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