i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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