I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
