Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
