Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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