So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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