after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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