i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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