dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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