he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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