I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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