can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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