My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
