hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
