i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
