The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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