Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
