I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
