Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
