dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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