I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
