I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
