I wish I could punch you in the face.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
