she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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